Dr. X was born of two loving but restless parents, Mystery and Passion, and had a paternal grandfather, Justice, and a half sister Integrity from one of Passion's previous marriages. His great great grandfather Malcolm was a tuna fisherman.

Left in a Tibetan monastery at two, Dr. X was reading at three and piloting his own soul on "spirit flights" at four. As a teenager, he honed his consciousness and the white hot tip of his truth spear in the art museums of Middle Europe, the mosques of Old Arabia, and the battlefields of rural Maryland, where he participated in numerous Civil War reenactments. Seeking further enlightenment, he attempted to climb Mount Everest without the benefit of helium, but had to turn back two-thirds of the way to the summit when his Sherpa broke his ankle. Dr. X carried his newfound friend on his shoulders down the mountain, hauled him overland to his village, and nursed him back to health. He left the village nine months later, leaving behind a new sewage treatment plant he'd built for the grateful residents.

Fluent in six languages (seven if you count the language of sign), Dr. X divides his time between the United States and India, where he has attained the rank of Tantric master, known for both his discipline (8+ hours) and knowledge (74 positions).